Catholic Candle note: In these times of great apostasy, we suffer many things.  All of society is arrayed against God and the Church Militant.  We need great and frequent Crosses which are the hammer blows through which God chisels our souls to form the image of Our Lord Jesus Christ.[1]

We should use the strategies which our generous Lord has given us for carrying our Crosses better and lightening them in the way He wishes.[2]

Below, is an article especially focused on one Cross which Catholic parents frequently must carry in our troubled times, when it can seem that their children are attacked by the devil from all sides.

All through the course of human history there have been parents grieving for their wayward and confused children.  When Cain killed Abel, Adam and Eve must have been so heartbroken that the first murder on earth had taken place—as a consequence of original sin!  This fact doubly hurt them because they knew that if Adam had not sinned, death would not have come into the world.  Eve knew that she influenced Adam and he chose to sin, choosing her over God (!) and because of false human respect in regard to her.  Furthermore, they knew that the human nature of all mankind was weakened because of Adam’s Fall.   

Why does God allow parents to suffer the cross of having a wayward/confused child?

For one or more of the following reasons:

1.    To teach/warn the parents that they were too lax with their children or to show the parents that they are currently raising their children in a worldly manner.

We see how Heli in the Old Testament was punished with wicked sons because he did not teach them fear of the Lord.  1 Kings, ch.3.  We see how in Proverbs (13:24) it says, “He that spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes” and “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, and the rod of correction shall drive it away.”  Proverbs, 22:15.

2.    To humble the parents and teach them that they are not perfect parents and that they must be compassionate towards other parents who have wayward children.

3.    To purify the souls of the parents and test their hearts.

4.    To give parents the opportunity to practice the virtues of courage and trust in God

5.    To have the parents count their blessings— the Faith, God’s insights, etc.,

What can parents do when they have wayward/confused children?

1.    Fight the temptation, which will no doubt come, to have self-pity.  Remember, God uses Crosses like this to humble parents.

2.    Thank God for this Cross and pray for guidance on how to handle the child, and of course, pray for the salvation of the child.  Remember that all things, including this tribulation, “work together unto the good, for those who love God”.  Romans, 8:28.

3.    Do not condone the bad behavior and ill-will of the child.

4.    Send the message that you are always ready for the child to come to you and always ready to help him get on the right path.

5.    Reach out to instruct the child or admonish the child (as prudent, depending on the circumstances).

6.    Show patience towards the child.

7.    Show love for the child in a way that does not send the wrong message of approval for bad conduct.

8.    Let us be patient with God’s timing.  Let God work according to His Own “schedule”.  When a child is in a morally dangerous situation and there is great uncertainty, it is very human for us to wish for immediate clarity and certainty regarding that child’s situation.  But sometimes, the heaviest part of that God-given Cross is that we remain in an unresolved position of insecurity and the fact that we must calmly wait while He works on the child’s soul.[3]

9.    Avoid the temptation to be bitter towards the child. 

10. Parents should make sure they examine their consciences on how worldly they have been or are in raising their children, and of course amend

themselves immediately so their children can see their current better example.

 

11. Unite with Christ Who knows exactly what such parents are suffering.  What He suffered from ingratitude was the greatest possible suffering of this type.[4]  Reflect on Our Lord’s sorrows of this sort that He expresses in Psalm 87:19: “Friend and neighbor thou hast put far from me”. 

Compassionate Our Lord’s suffering of this variety when He spoke these words through the prophet Job:

He hath put my brethren far from me, and my acquaintances, like strangers, have departed from me.  My kinsmen have forsaken me, and they that knew me, have forgotten me.  They that dwelt in my house … have counted me a stranger, and I have been like an alien in their eyes.  …  He whom I love most is turned against me.  Job 19: 13-15, 19

12. Ponder on the words that Simeon spoke to Our Lady, “Thy own soul a sword shall pierce so that out of the hearts of many, thoughts may be revealed.”

God was preparing Our Sorrowful and tender Mother to be ready to listen to the heartache of her spiritual children and console them.  She had more anguish and suffering than all human parents put together.  Remember, she really cares about her children of the Mystical Body who were given to her by Our Lord on the Cross.

Be consoled, too, that St. Joseph and Our Lady suffered greatly when Our Lord stayed behind in Jerusalem when He was twelve.  God sent them this choice cross so they could merit abundantly when suffering it.  Likewise, so we could learn from them on what to do with our children and how to suffer such a heartache well for God’s glory.